On April 15th 2016, one day before my baby shower – we were admitted for an emergency delivery. I had gone for a sonography because my gynecologist felt that the baby’s stomach felt small when she touched it. In the sonography we found out that the placenta had seized working about 2 weeks ago. So the baby was not getting enough nutrition. This was mostly due to pre-eclampsia. We tried to keep as calm as we could and were soon admitted into the hospital. My husband cancelled the baby shower updating the guests on the happening and cancelled the cake, caterers, etc.

Once I was admitted, the shock of it all sinked in. I started weeping and my husband was trying his best to calm me down. We had an angel of a nurse who was also trying her best to make me as comfortable as possible. My blood pressure was off the charts though and the nurses had to call my doctor in for an emergency c-section. I was drifting in and out of consciousness. I felt like I could not breathe. and was given an oxygen mask. The nurses were trying to strap a baby’s heart hearing device on my tummy and my baby was hiding from them.  Making them move the device all over my big belly. This knowledge that they could not find a heartbeat intermittently was putting additional pressure on my mind, further increasing my stress.

Finally after my OB arrived, I was rushed into the OR. At first, they asked my husband to be outside for about 5 mins. The OR was freezing cold. I was given anesthesia which is like an injection from a huge needle that goes into your spine. I was just telling myself and the Universe to please keep my baby safe. I really wanted to cry and throw a fit that I want my husband to be with me at that very moment. But I kept quiet and waited. I was down on my back soon and they called my husband in. He held my hand as he came in and I heaved a sigh of relief.

From then on, I could hear music playing, my OB and the other nurses, doctor and anesthesiologist chatting. I could only feel a little bit of stretching below my belly-button area. And then there it was ‘Waah waah’ and I heard a doctor say, ‘He is such a cutie’. Oh yes, it was a boy 🙂 We actually knew that beforehand. They showed our baby to my husband and I caught a glimpse of him too. He was covered in blood. I could not help smiling and crying at the same time. Soon some of the doctors were off with my baby as he had to go to the NICU and my husband followed them.

My OB finished the stitches and I was out of the OR in another room. I was shivering from head to toe at the time. Some of our friends had stopped by to see us. My husband was still in the NICU with our son. After sometime, my husband was back. We named our son ‘Moksh’. It means liberation from the cycle of life and death. I asked my husband how our son was and he said he was doing good and was in the NICU. I was very concerned but I knew that my husband was too. I did not ask him anything further –  I was too afraid of what he might say. I was not ready to know the true condition that our son was in. He showed me a picture of our son and with that picture imprinted in my brain I dozed off.