It’s extremely hard to describe what a NICU experience does to you. The physical pain and weaknesses after the delivery is not even on the mind of the mom. There is a supreme deep pain and feeling of responsibility. You feel like you have brought this life into the world. This big, bad human realm. And you feel extremely responsible for the physical pain that this life goes through. There are tubes going through the nose to feed, ivy put in the tiny veins. And you sit there, just flabbergasted. Wondering, what did I do wrong? Why does this little one have to go through so much? Is all this my fault? You feel bad for getting pregnant in the first place.

Inside the incubator

But then your higher consciousness takes over your anxious, monkey mind. It tells you that you are simply a channel – a  vehicle, which was used by a soul to come to this planet. The soul will have it’s own journey and your only responsibility as a parent is to help the soul achieve it’s fullest potential. Then your practical mind takes over – so you keep emotions aside and you do everything you can to do to help your baby get well and come home.

In an open crib…maintaining body temperature 🙂

I need to mention that during this very tough journey of watching your baby grow and become healthy enough to thrive outside the NICU, there are always angels by your side. They come in the form of NICU nurses. I was surrounded by many such angels and their positive energies kept me going through the process. There aren’t enough blessings in the world that I can send their way which can repay them. They are truly doing a great service to humanity by their job and by their patient, kind and understanding nature.

Birth of a child is difficult in itself, but having a child in the NICU and seeing him or her recover and come home from the NICU is a life altering event for sure. It will shake you to your very core and force you to re-invent yourself, find your inner confidence and keep going when the world around you is crumbling. It will help you emerge as a stronger and wiser person. And be exactly the parent that your child needs you to be.

Enjoying a sunny day in the park…10months